Understanding Parenting Styles: Why Aware (Democratic) Parenting Strikes the Best Balance
- danielletaouk
- Jun 25
- 4 min read

As parents, we all want what’s best for our children—whether it’s ensuring their safety, encouraging their independence, or helping them grow into emotionally healthy, respectful adults. But how we go about achieving those goals can vary significantly depending on our parenting style.
While no parent fits perfectly into a single category, most approaches tend to fall into one of three broad styles: permissive, authoritarian, or democratic/aware parenting. Each has its strengths and challenges, but one model stands out for promoting empathy, emotional resilience, and mutual respect: aware parenting.
In this blog, we’ll explore each of these styles, how they differ, and why aware parenting may be the most mutually beneficial approach for both child and parent.
1. Permissive Parenting: High Warmth, Low Boundaries
Permissive parenting is characterised by high levels of nurturance and affection, but low structure or boundaries. Parents using this approach tend to avoid conflict, may be reluctant to say no, and often let the child set the rules.
Common Traits of Permissive Parenting:
Rarely enforce consistent rules
Avoid setting limits to keep the child happy
Value the child’s freedom over structure
May use bribery or distraction instead of discipline
Potential Impacts on Children:
May struggle with self-regulation or handling frustration
Can have difficulty respecting boundaries or following rules
Often lack clarity around consequences or responsibility
May develop an inflated sense of entitlement or dependence
Challenges for Parents:
May feel walked over or exhausted by their child’s needs
Experience guilt when trying to enforce rules
Struggle with feelings of resentment or burnout over time
While permissive parents are often deeply loving, the lack of clear guidance and limits can leave children feeling insecure and unsure of what’s expected of them.
2. Authoritarian Parenting: High Control, Low Warmth
At the other end of the spectrum is authoritarian parenting, which focuses on strict discipline, control, and obedience. These parents typically value respect for authority, rules, and compliance, often with limited room for emotional expression.
Common Traits of Authoritarian Parenting:
Strict rules and high expectations
Emphasis on obedience and discipline
Limited flexibility or negotiation
Low emotional responsiveness
Potential Impacts on Children:
May become anxious, withdrawn, or overly compliant
Can rebel or struggle with self-esteem
Often have difficulty making decisions or thinking independently
Learn to associate love with performance or compliance
Challenges for Parents:
Struggle to connect emotionally with their child
May experience ongoing power struggles or resistance
Can feel rigid, frustrated, or isolated in their role
Although authoritarian parents often have good intentions—wanting to prepare their child for the “real world”—this approach can come at the cost of emotional safety and connection.
3. Aware (Democratic) Parenting: Mutual Respect, Clear Boundaries, Emotional Attunement
Aware (Democratic) Parenting draws on the work of Dr. Aletha Solter, founder of the Aware Parenting Institute, who outlines three core components of this model:
Attachment-style parenting – nurturing strong, secure relationships
Non-punitive discipline – guiding without punishment or shame
Support for emotional release – helping children express and process big feelings safely
This model encourages parents to build strong, secure connections with their children, to guide rather than punish, and to support children in safely expressing their emotions. Solter’s work emphasizes that when children feel deeply understood and are given respectful boundaries, they develop emotional intelligence, cooperation, and self-regulation.
Rather than controlling or indulging children, aware parents collaborate, model self-regulation, and coach children through big emotions.
Common Traits of Aware Parenting:
High warmth and responsiveness
Clear, consistent boundaries without harsh punishment
Emotionally attuned to the child’s needs
Encourages autonomy and open communication
Views challenging behaviour as a signal of unmet needs, not defiance
Benefits for Children:
Learn emotional regulation and problem-solving skills
Build secure attachment and resilience
Develop a strong internal sense of responsibility
Feel safe, valued, and capable of making good choices
Benefits for Parents:
Strengthened relationship with the child based on trust
Fewer power struggles and more cooperation
Confidence in setting boundaries with kindness
Improved emotional awareness and self-regulation
Aware parenting recognises that parents and children both have needs, and the goal is to meet both through connection, empathy, and respectful leadership.
The Key Differences: A Quick Comparison
Parenting Style | Warmth & Connection | Discipline & Boundaries | Child’s Voice | Outcome |
Permissive | High | Low | Prioritised, often over parents’ needs | May lack structure and struggle with limits |
Authoritarian | Low | High | Often dismissed or suppressed | May comply but struggle emotionally |
Aware/Democratic | High | High | Encouraged within safe limits | Emotionally secure, cooperative, resilient |
Why Aware Parenting is the Most Mutually Beneficial
The beauty of aware parenting is that it doesn’t ask parents to be perfect or to ignore their own needs. Instead, it encourages mutual respect and shared humanity in the parent-child relationship.
It gives children the tools to:
Understand their emotions
Take responsibility for their actions
Learn problem-solving and communication
And it gives parents the tools to:
Set loving, firm boundaries
Stay calm and present in challenging moments
Build a deep, respectful connection with their child
When practiced consistently, aware parenting meets the needs of both the parent and the child—creating a foundation of trust, resilience, and cooperation that benefits the whole family.
Final Thoughts
Every parent will face difficult moments—tantrums, testing limits, emotional outbursts—and there’s no single “perfect” way to respond. But by choosing a parenting approach that balances empathy with structure, and connection with leadership, you’re giving your child the best chance to thrive emotionally, socially, and developmentally.
At Innerbloom Psychology, we support parents in developing these skills through therapy, consultation, and parent guidance sessions. Whether you’re just beginning your parenting journey or navigating new challenges, we’re here to help.
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