Understanding Parenting Styles: Why Aware (Democratic) Parenting Strikes the Best Balance

As parents, we all want what’s best for our children—whether it’s ensuring their safety, encouraging their independence, or helping them grow into emotionally healthy, respectful adults. But how we go about achieving those goals can vary significantly depending on our parenting style.

While no parent fits perfectly into a single category, most approaches tend to fall into one of three broad styles: permissive, authoritarian, or democratic/aware parenting. Each has its strengths and challenges, but one model stands out for promoting empathy, emotional resilience, and mutual respect: aware parenting.

In this blog, we’ll explore each of these styles, how they differ, and why aware parenting may be the most mutually beneficial approach for both child and parent.

1. Permissive Parenting: High Warmth, Low Boundaries

Permissive parenting is characterised by high levels of nurturance and affection, but low structure or boundaries. Parents using this approach tend to avoid conflict, may be reluctant to say no, and often let the child set the rules.

Common Traits of Permissive Parenting:

• Rarely enforce consistent rules

• Avoid setting limits to keep the child happy

• Value the child’s freedom over structure

• May use bribery or distraction instead of discipline

Potential Impacts on Children:

• May struggle with self-regulation or handling frustration

• Can have difficulty respecting boundaries or following rules

• Often lack clarity around consequences or responsibility

• May develop an inflated sense of entitlement or dependence

Challenges for Parents:

• May feel walked over or exhausted by their child’s needs

• Experience guilt when trying to enforce rules

• Struggle with feelings of resentment or burnout over time

While permissive parents are often deeply loving, the lack of clear guidance and limits can leave children feeling insecure and unsure of what’s expected of them.

2. Authoritarian Parenting: High Control, Low Warmth

At the other end of the spectrum is authoritarian parenting, which focuses on strict discipline, control, and obedience. These parents typically value respect for authority, rules, and compliance, often with limited room for emotional expression.

Common Traits of Authoritarian Parenting:

• Strict rules and high expectations

• Emphasis on obedience and discipline

• Limited flexibility or negotiation

• Low emotional responsiveness

Potential Impacts on Children:

• May become anxious, withdrawn, or overly compliant

• Can rebel or struggle with self-esteem

• Often have difficulty making decisions or thinking independently

• Learn to associate love with performance or compliance

Challenges for Parents:

• Struggle to connect emotionally with their child

• May experience ongoing power struggles or resistance

• Can feel rigid, frustrated, or isolated in their role

Although authoritarian parents often have good intentions—wanting to prepare their child for the “real world”—this approach can come at the cost of emotional safety and connection.

3. Aware (Democratic) Parenting: Mutual Respect, Clear Boundaries, Emotional Attunement

Aware (Democratic) Parenting draws on the work of Dr. Aletha Solter, founder of the Aware Parenting Institute, who outlines three core components of this model:

1. Attachment-style parenting – nurturing strong, secure relationships

2. Non-punitive discipline – guiding without punishment or shame

3. Support for emotional release – helping children express and process big feelings safely

This model encourages parents to build strong, secure connections with their children, to guide rather than punish, and to support children in safely expressing their emotions. Solter’s work emphasizes that when children feel deeply understood and are given respectful boundaries, they develop emotional intelligence, cooperation, and self-regulation.

Rather than controlling or indulging children, aware parents collaborate, model self-regulation, and coach children through big emotions.

Common Traits of Aware Parenting:

• High warmth and responsiveness

• Clear, consistent boundaries without harsh punishment

• Emotionally attuned to the child’s needs

• Encourages autonomy and open communication

• Views challenging behaviour as a signal of unmet needs, not defiance

Benefits for Children:

• Learn emotional regulation and problem-solving skills

• Build secure attachment and resilience

• Develop a strong internal sense of responsibility

• Feel safe, valued, and capable of making good choices

Benefits for Parents:

• Strengthened relationship with the child based on trust

• Fewer power struggles and more cooperation

• Confidence in setting boundaries with kindness

• Improved emotional awareness and self-regulation

Aware parenting recognises that parents and children both have needs, and the goal is to meet both through connection, empathy, and respectful leadership.

The Key Differences: A Quick Comparison

Parenting Style	Warmth & Connection	Discipline & Boundaries	Child’s Voice	Outcome
Permissive	High	Low	Prioritised, often over parents’ needs	May lack structure and struggle with limits
Authoritarian	Low	High	Often dismissed or suppressed	May comply but struggle emotionally
Aware/Democratic	High	High	Encouraged within safe limits	Emotionally secure, cooperative, resilient

Why Aware Parenting is the Most Mutually Beneficial

The beauty of aware parenting is that it doesn’t ask parents to be perfect or to ignore their own needs. Instead, it encourages mutual respect and shared humanity in the parent-child relationship.

It gives children the tools to:

• Understand their emotions

• Take responsibility for their actions

• Learn problem-solving and communication

And it gives parents the tools to:

• Set loving, firm boundaries

• Stay calm and present in challenging moments

• Build a deep, respectful connection with their child

When practiced consistently, aware parenting meets the needs of both the parent and the child—creating a foundation of trust, resilience, and cooperation that benefits the whole family.

Final Thoughts

Every parent will face difficult moments—tantrums, testing limits, emotional outbursts—and there’s no single “perfect” way to respond. But by choosing a parenting approach that balances empathy with structure, and connection with leadership, you’re giving your child the best chance to thrive emotionally, socially, and developmentally.

At Innerbloom Psychology, we support parents in developing these skills through therapy, consultation, and parent guidance sessions. Whether you’re just beginning your parenting journey or navigating new challenges, we’re here to help.

👉 Learn more about our parenting support services here